Don't Shoot! I'm Just the Avon Lady! by Birdie Jaworski

Author:Birdie Jaworski [Jaworski, Birdie]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Memoir, Humor, Adventure, Mr. Right
ISBN: 1440464863
Publisher: CreateSpace
Published: 2007-12-06T00:00:00+00:00

The Table

The black Mercedes still rested in Noreen’s driveway as I raced past, headed for Neighbor Guy’s front yard. It still radiated heat, and I stopped for a moment, stared at it, heard a screen door squeak open. I ran like heck, leaped over a scrawny Azalea and landed in the next yard. My ankle hurt from the impact but I didn’t let it slow me.

Neighbor Guy met me at his front door. I didn’t stop to notice whether he decorated with juniper trees or lavender bushes, whether he had a personalized mailbox or accents of colorized stone. He stood to the side to let me pass, and I briefly caught sight of a short fiberglass surfboard tipped against the stucco wall. A cartoon pooch held a hot dog along the bottom of the board, his body covered in flecks of surf wax.

Neighbor Guy laughed as I ran inside and plunked down on a green velvet floor cushion.

“Dude, looks like you’ve seen a ghost.” He closed the door and leaned against the frame, one hand on his hip. He wore a solid black t-shirt with frayed edges and a small hole at his collar, khaki skate shorts slung low, and simple plastic flip-flops. His face was square and flat and huge - the biggest head I’ve ever seen, and though he was a tall and muscular man, his body appeared unusually emaciated and small under that head, as if he were a human lollipop.

We exchanged names and I handed him the most recent Avon brochure and a few samples of face cream. A huge honking head like that needs a lot of face cream, I reasoned, hoping he would place a big order. He rolled the samples inside the brochure and stuffed the cylinder into his back shorts pocket. A bubbling noise distracted me, and I turned my head to see a fifty-five gallon aquarium filled with exotic saltwater fish and a plastic gold-colored treasure chest filled with glass jewels. The chest opened and closed in rhythmic time, releasing bubbles. A striped Clown Fish scooted close to the spray.

“Bird Dude, so what’d ya see at Noreen’s?” Neighbor Guy continued to stand by the door, and drifts of light from the picture window reflected off of his skull ring.

I told him about my delivery, about Trini and the silhouette of a man drinking a martini. I told him about the Mercedes filled with laughing celebrities, about the art deco table and hanging chandelier, about the faint toast to “Oscar” and about my bet with my Turkish friend, Ulak. Neighbor Guy nodded as I spoke, a sly smile growing across his face.

“Yup. You stumbled right into it, man. Let me tell you what I know, and maybe we can figure out a way to get more information, okay?”

I said OK, of course! I’m up for any kind of adventure! Neighbor Guy slowly sank to the floor, sat yogi-style with crossed legs resting on his thighs. His head looked even bigger at eye level.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.